Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Home Decor Blog Spotlight: This Young House

Anyone who frequents the Decorating and Renovating board on The Nest is already familiar with the This Young House Blog. I love their decorating tips and this bedroom makeover really spoke to me. It reminded me a lot of our bedroom layout, especially with the two windows next to the bed. Aren't these before and after pictures amazing? I officially hate window scarves after viewing this post. The difference is unbelievable with a few simple changes.



I am happy to say that I just hung the Target "Rocky River" silk panels and am getting close to the big reveal. I need to purchase little rings to attach to the drapes, I think this will give them a more modern look and make them easier to open and close.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Our Winter Friends

Yes, we are THAT neighbor. We love to feed our outdoor friends, especially in the winter when the squirrels and deer do not have a lot of food. This is more my idea than Jeff's but I think he is a closet winter friend lover too. I don't feel too badly about it because we keep the food in the woods where they basically hang out anyway. One of the reasons that we try to feed the deer in the woods is to avoid this:

I caught this brave little guy eating our new landscaping on Monday morning. Typically once the deer spot us watching them, they dart immediatly back into the woods. Not this little one, he let me take his picture for ten minutes as he proceeded to devour this bush. After he had a nice little feast, he proceeded to walk to the other front bed. I had to finally break down and scare him away. I knocked on the window which I thought would cause him to go running scared towards the woods. Not this deer. He just stares at me, cocks his head back and forth, and proceeds to eat another bush. I may have to try my neighbors suggestion by puttig out bars of Irish Spring Soap in our flower beds. She swears it works for them. I had to knock on the window a few more times until he finally jogged into the back yard to join this little party:

Can you see the huge doe standing on her hind leggs eating out of our bird feeder? Jeff purposely tried to tie it high enough this year due to losing two bird feeders last winter to our furry friends. Apparently they will stop at nothing.

On the baby front, I had my D&C yesterday. It was pretty uneventful and I feel absolutely fine physically. I didn't even have any cramping so I feel my doctor did a great job again, as usual. I definetly have to give him credit with everything, I do believe that he will get us to where we want to go one way or the other. We had enough tissue to get analyzed so we will know in a few weeks what caused this baby not to grow properly. Based on the test results, we may do more tests. I am scared to death and of course fear the worst that my eggs are all chromosomally abnormal. I need to keep telling myself that outcome would be rare and is more than likely just the bad timing of this specific sperm and egg. Thanks again to everyone for all your throughts and prayers, it really means a lot to read all of your wonderful comments.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

No Christmas Miracle for us

We had another ultra sound yesterday at 9 weeks and the baby did not grow since our last one two weeks ago. The heartbeat was also gone. We are so sad about losing our second baby. I am scheduled for a D&C on Friday and our doctor is going to have the tissue tested. We are also going to go through the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss tests to try to determine if anything else is wrong. We probably won't try again for awhile until we have some answers from the tests. Thanks to all of you for all your continuous thoughts and prayers.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A little retail therapy....

I bought these "Silver Sage" looking silk panels at Target today for my master bedroom. It's their faux silk line, the color is Rocky River. I can't believe I haven't picked these up sooner, they match our comforter perfectly. Hopefully we can find some time between now and Christmas to hang them.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Trying to keep it together

We tried to get the baby uncertainty off of our mind on Sunday by heading out to West Geauga to buy our Christmas tree. It is officially up in the great room but doesn't have a single ornament on it just yet. We plan on decorating it tonight so I will post pictures of our beautifully decorated tree. On the baby front, no news is good news I guess for now. I am still feeling very pregnant and am not spotting at all which is great. Spotting was the kiss of death with the last baby. I am trying to hold it together but I have had several meltdowns since everything is so up in the air. I am trying to stay as positive as the doctor was but we have been here before and know that a heartbeat doesn't mean much, especially with our babies. Please keep praying that I make it sanely through the week.

Friday, December 12, 2008

We have a heartbeat?!?

We had our follow up appointment yesterday from our horrible ultra sound last week and words just can not express how shocked we are. We have an embryo and a heartbeat? How is this even possible when there was just a sac last week? We got the whole speech from the doctor last week that it was most likely not viable and these things happen. Now our doctor is singing a totally different tune. We are not out of the woods by any means, we are still measuring a week behind but the fact that it grew this much in a week and that we have a beating heart is just unbelievable. We are trying to be positive but know we have a long road ahead of us. I can't get over my doctor's reaction though, he is confident that we are going to have a healthy pregnancy going forward and that he sees this happen all the time. He didn't seem phased at all that we are still measuring a week behind. Our little peanut is a fighter. We go back again on the 22nd to see how much it grew and if all looks well, I get to go to my OB! I took the day off from work today for a d&c and now we are just trying to take in this unexpected good news and hope for the best. Please pray for our little peanut, what a roller coaster we have been on so far.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Trying to look forward to the holidays...

but to be honest, I am not. I am having another miscarriage and words can not express how sad and dissappointed we are. I wrote 3 previous posts from our BFP to our miscarriage. I saved them as drafts to document our journey and to one day publish when we were far enough along to tell friends and family. I am publishing them now so I will have a record of how I felt during those wonderful three weeks. I am hoping the fact that we got pregnant is a good sign, we just now have to figure out why they keep leaving us.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Getting into the Holiday Spirit.

I started to get into the holiday spirit this weekend and busted out all of our holiday decor. I have our living room tree decorated, which you can kind of see pictured in our front window below, and also decorated the front staircase banister. I also picked up a set of cute topiary trees for our front porch at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's a start, I am hoping to finish next weekend when we buy a real tree for the Great Room. Enjoy!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Come out wherever you are!

I have given my blog a make-over recently and wanted to pimp out my new features incase you are hiding behind Google Reader. I have a great new blog banner at the top created by Nestie Greekypie. She did a fabulous job, if you would like one your own, please see her ad on the left side of my blog. I also took advantage of the new blogger layout and added the Following feature, a slide show of our new home construction, a rolling list of the blogs I read, and a few house pics. Enjoy!

Week 6 - our miracle ends

Week 6 started off so well, my symptoms were increasing as the week went on. I was so exhausted by the time I got off of work I would just crash on the couch for the rest of the night. Nothing was getting done in the house, I didn't have the energy for dishes, laundry, even simple straightening up. I looked just pure lazy. Jeff was great though and tried to pitch in wherever he could. On Wedneday, 6w4d, I started to feel a few tinges of m/s which is a first for me. On Thursday morning, I had a major sour stomach and had to drag myself down to the Prog shop at work to buy a bag of gold fish crackers. My boobs still hurt a lot, mostly at night. On Thanksgiving day, I started to panic a little because I thought for a moment that they weren't as sore as they had been. This was the first sign that things with Hyphen were ending so of course I was paranoid.
On Thursday (6w5d), which was the day of our 7 week u/s, Jeff and I took the afternoon off to have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory and to do a little shopping before our 3:30 appointment. I was a nervous wreck the whole time and could barely focus on the shopping. We finally arrived in Solon at 3:15 and the anticipated u/s was finally here. I couldn't believe this day had come. Going into it, I have to admit, I was very skeptical. I had read stories on The Bump of only seeing sacs or embroys with barely any significant measurement. I was sitting on the u/s table for at least 20 minutes talking to Jeff about how nervous I was and he was so calm. At 3:50 Dr. G finally came into the u/s room. He congratulated us and we thanked him for all of his help with everything. He told us we were the ones that made it easy on him. He asked how I was doing and I told him that I was nervous. He replied that hopefully he could put my mind at ease in a few minutes. Unfortunately that was not the case. I knew it right away as the ultra sound machine started to go, I didn't see that bright flicker that we saw so quickly with hyphen. It was dead silence in the room, I could feel him moving the wand all around looking for some glimmer of hope. Finally he says, well at this point we would hope to see a heartbeat or an embryo. All I could see glaring at me was a perfectly round little sack. Honestly I just stared at it, for some reason I was not surprised at all. That was my first reaction. I just somehow knew it. Maybe I am just a skeptic because of everything we went through or my expectations were just that low. Anything above what we saw would have been a win for me but it wasn't and that was basically par for the course for us. I didn't even have any symptoms for me to think that this wasn't going to work out, no spotting, major cramping, anything. I guess I after all the dissapointment we have had, it was just us being on the wrong side of the statistic. Again. Afterwards, the doctor was honest and said it was probable that it wasn't going work out. I pretty much already knew that. He said that it is more than likely bad luck and a chromosomal defect. I was happy to hear that for his multiple loss patients, he would start me on daily baby aspirin and progesterone suppositories in case low progesterone or an environmental factor was causing our losses. One thing we learned from him was that there really is no true way to determine if a loss is due to low progesterone because your levels are constantly fluctuating and you never know if you are catching it on a normal low moment. Next steps are for another u/s on December 11th to verify the pregnancy is not viable and to schedule a d&c for the 12th. If I do make it to the d&c without miscarrying beforehand, he will run chromosomal testing on the material. The one issue in our situation is that I have such little tissue since an embryo never formed, it will be hard to know if they are testing me or the sac. I guess we will have to hope and pray for positive results. According to the doctor, the best case scenario would be for it to be chromosomal. My fear though is that if it is chromosomal, how are we to know I just do not have really bad eggs or that Jeff has bad swimmers? More issues to now add to our already confusing and frustrating situation. The brightside to all of this is that after two years, we finally did get pregnant again and perhaps cleaning out the endo treated our one issue. At this point I think it's safe to say we can conceive, we now are dealing with having it stick around.
Jeff and I could barely sleep last night as our loss slowly sunk in, we were up from 2-4 talking and just discussing our horrible situation. We both took the day off and told our bosses that we recently received "bad news" and would be in on Monday. I think I am going to have to tell my boss what happened since he already know most of our situation already since I have taken a lot time off the past two years for fertility treatments.
I am still horribly sad but I have been trying to spend my day researching "Blighted Ovums" which is the official term of what we had and trying to find some kind of hope in our situation. At least Jeff is home too, he always makes things better.