Life of a SAHM Series {Day 15}: Breaking Through

Monday, July 04, 2011




Hi there and welcome to Day 15 of the Life of a Stay {At} Home Mom Guest Blogging Series!!! If you are just joining our Life of a Stay {At} Home Mom Series, welcome! Miss a post? You can find all the entries for our series listed for you here.

I am so excited to introduce Lyryn today from Breaking Through.   Lyryn and I have been reading each others blogs for some time now, I even think we met before I had Jillian!!  Lyryn has an amazing story to tell about how she started her journey to becoming a Stay At Home Mom.  Please give a warm welcome to Lyryn!!!

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My name is Lyryn (pronounced Leer-in) and I blog over at Breaking Through.  I'm a stay at home mom of two wonderful little boys that bring so much joy to my life.  First I wanted to thank Karen for choosing me to be a guest blogger today on her "Life of a Stay at Home Mom" series. I'm excited to be among such a great group of women writing for this series and I hope that you all have gotten a lot out of what she has been doing!  I know I sure have! 

For those who have read my blog you know that I tend to write very little about my kids and my daily life as a SAHM. Surprisingly it's much easier for me to be honest and write about the hardships in my life and in my marriage and what the Lord is teaching me through everything than it is to write about my life as a stay at home mom and my oh-so imperfect "mothering skills".  I guess it's good that God was teaching me things through this whole process because that's what's going to make this easier to write. ;)

I always dreamed of being a SAHM. Being there for all the monumental moments in my kids lives and being an involved parent as much as possible.  I always dreamed of being there when my kids got  home from school so I could have fresh baked cookies ready for them.  Dreamed of being there to help them with homework or whatever else they needed their mommy for.  And I ALWAYS wanted to be that mom that could attend every single one of their sports games and be their biggest cheerleader.  Something I wanted.... but for a long time denied the dream because it just didn't fit into our financial lifestyle.  

After having our first child, I knew that I would be going back to work.  I was blessed to work for an amazing company that chose to work with me and  my desire to be at home as much as possible.  I still worked 5 days a week, but my day would end at 2 leaving the rest of the afternoon being a mommy to my little man.  I believed at that time that working was the best thing for me and my family and that my dreams of being a SAHM could wait.

In the two years before becoming a SAHM however, the Lord would be quite clear on several occasions about how He wanted me to transition into becoming a SAHM and fulfilling the desire of my heart to raise my children.  Several nights I would wrestle with God in my quiet time because I knew He was calling me to stay home, but I just didn't trust it was the right time and would make excuse after excuse.  

There was even an opportunity that made it possible for me to work from home for a friends company!  Man... if that's not God just wrapping it up in a bow for me, I don't know what is?  However, the pay was significantly less so I made that my excuse and chose to stay where I was even though I was becoming more and more unhappy working instead of being home, raising my son.  As I grew more unsatisfied with my day to day work and the fact that I was there instead of at home with my baby, I payed less attention to what I needed to do and did whatever I wanted to do (that would even include blogging).  

Though I officially "resigned," in September of 2009 they unfortunately forced me to make that decision.  I'm not proud of it and I'm embarrassed to even write about it; ashamed really, but it's the truth and I wanted to be completely honest about it.  All the years I did work for them I always gave them 110% of me, so leaving this way was never something I thought would happen, nor was it the way I wanted it.  

However, it was the best thing that could have happened.  The place I worked was the same place that my husband's affair had started, so every day was a reminder of what I had gone through just the year before.  It was time for me to go and though I am not happy with how I left, it would become the best thing for my family and me. 

At first it was it was hard for me to adapt to being home ALL-THE-TIME, though it was something I wanted.  I didn't know what to do with myself and I felt very isolated and alone.  I didn't know many SAHM's at the time and being the introvert that I am it was going to be very hard to find them.  I went through spouts of being depression and CRAVING adult interaction.  Now I realize that this doesn't happen to everyone, but for me it was hard to adjust to this new way of living.  

I was no longer verbally validated by a superior judging my work and telling me when I was doing a good job. I was now validated by the way my child acted and how I responded to him.  Thankfully I also had a loving and supportive husband who came home daily and reminded me that I was a good mom and I was doing a fantastic job.  That helped... in a million ways! 

After 6 months of being pretty miserable (lets not discount that fact that I was also hormonal and six months pregnant), I realized that the only way I was going to be completely satisfied was if I made more of an effort to find other moms like myself to be a support system. Coming to this revelation was SO IMPORTANT!  To me at least.  The only way I was going to get that, was to lay down my insecurities and my pride and just ask someone, "Hey, want to have a play date?"  To my surprise... most of the mommy's were just like me and just never asked because it was all new to them, too.  

Who would have thunk?! 

I slowly started getting the hang of this whole being at home thing and now we wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm living my dream and I'm so thankful to have such a supportive husband who wants this for us too.  Not only have I learned to be a better mom, but I also have learned to trust God that much more.  Not only has God provided for our family, He is providing above and beyond our needs.  He even threw this amazing job into my husband's lap without even really interviewing for it.  AMAZING!  HE always provides!!!! 

It's true what Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  Unfortunately, we sometimes don't like to trust that God actually has our back so we continue in the way WE think is best for us and not what Jesus is calling us to do.  I learned this this lesson the hard way.  I'm thankful for His mercy and sticking with me even though I can be so stubborn at times.  I'm living my dream because of Him. 

He is listening.... Are you?

4 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, Lyryn!

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  2. I had tears welling up in my eyes! :)

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  3. I think it is much harder to stay at home than I thought it would be. Most of the time I love it, but I really have realized that I have to find my validation in the Lord. Thanks for the insight into your own life!

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